The Cure for Cooties
by pressed.start
Summary: This is my second attempt at a one shot! It's a gap filler that answers the questions, Why did Mer and Der get a new bed in ep. 6x12?  And what made them decide to go ahead and build a house in ep. 6x18?  Warning: It's quirky and has some sexual content.


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**Hi people! This is my second attempt at a one shot! It's a gap filler that answers the questions, Why did Mer and Der get a new bed? (in ep. 6x12) And what made them decide to go ahead and build a house? (in ep. 6x18)  
I am new at fic-writing, so I'm experimenting with different styles. This is definitely quirky and maybe a bit odd. Bare with me. Oh, and remember, I'm all for constructive criticism...I actually WANT IT. So, be my guest..sock it to me (in a nice way please). LOL**

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**The Cure for Cooties**

Sqeek squick, squeek squick.

Squeek squick, squeek squick.

"Hmmmmm" said a very male voice.

"Oh…ohhhh….oh yes" a very female voice answered back.

The rhythm of the squeek squick is punctuated by pants and moans that steadily increase in tempo. The lovers are so completely lost in each other that they don't notice the symphony of headboard against plaster, moan against sigh, rasp against groan that eventually crescendo into loud roars of ecstasy.

"OH, OH, so good, soo good Meredith!" said the male voice.

"I'm…I'm….AHHH…. Oh. My. God, DER- ICK!," answered the female voice.

Later that morning….

A very Bright and Shiny Meredith and a Dapper Derek go-lightly down the steps and into the kitchen, or as Dapper Derek secretly coined it, "The Grey-Shepherd hostel/soup kitchen for stray doctors." A very grumpy Gus-otherwise known as Alex-was already seated at the table possessively cradling a huge cup of joe like a dog with his favorite bone. As his moribund gaze settled on the too cheerful dynamic duo, Meredith returned Alex's death ray glare with a rather zfortzando questionado,

"Are you ok Alex? Because if looks could kill, I'd already be toe tagged."

With obvious false cheerfulness, he replied, "I'm fine. Just peachy. Thanks." His false cheshire grin instantly changes back into the death glare, snarly face.

Meredith playfully bumped his arm and sarcastically quipped, "C'mon Alex, turn that frown upside down."

Thru clenched teeth he growled,  
"Maybe I would be more cheerful if you guys would keep it down. I couldn't freakin' sleep, even with earplugs! You were shaking the whole house!"

Derek, with a slightly puffed chest and a huge grin, finally interjected,  
"It's not like we don't hear you night after night with your parade of women."

With her hand on her hip in her signature bossy way, Meredith remarked,  
"Yeah, Alex, you are like me 3 years ago! Take point from the master here and stop your whorish ways… I don't know what's going on between you and Iz, but trust me, sleeping around doesn't make you feel better in the long run."

Alex internally simmered, while he externally scoffed, shrugged and rolled his little eyes.

Neither Alex nor Meredith noticed the deep furrow that formed on Derek's forehead, or the sudden pallor to his already pale pre-coffeed up face.

With a pinkish blush to her neck and cheeks, Meredith stirred cream into her coffee and softly muttered, "Umm, and, uh, we'll try to keep it down so you can get some sleep."

Alex scoffed, "Yeah, like that will ever happen. You guys have like…marathon sexcapades."

Derek broke free from his dark reverie and let out a hearty laugh,  
"Notice, she only promised that you'd be able to get _some_ sleep. No guarantees here!"

Alex didn't have to fake the sound of gagging.

After a hurried breakfast of Eggo waffles drenched in syrup for Meredith and bran flakes with banana slices for Derek, a.k.a. Captain Fiber, the dynamic duo rushed off in Meredith's old jeep.

The previous night's sex-a-thon had ignited quite suddenly in a supply closet and then in the haze of lust and needing to be as close as possible, they decided to take only one vehicle home. Since Meredith had been fortunate to snag a close parking space the previous day, Old Blue won out. Good old reliable Blue.

On the drive to SGH, Meredith noticed the once very familiar, green eyed jealousy monster -otherwise known as Derek- sulking, while staring out the passenger side window.

With a confused huff, Meredith fished for answers, "Come on Derek…tell me what's wrong. You've been in a mood ever since we talked to Alex in the kitchen"

Derek took a big gulp of courage and turned to Meredith with a bit of sadness, regret, and fear in his beautiful, blue, sexy, amazing, rock-your-world (I digress) eyes.

"It just bothers me…I just…I had forgotten about…all…the… other/men/you've/slept/with/in/our/bed" He mutters quickly.

With a blush to his cheeks, and a quick glance at her shocked face, he backpedaled.  
"I mean, I know that that was a _long_ time ago, and we weren't even together, but when you mentioned to Alex that you used to be like him, sleeping with all those other men, it just hit me…I hate to even mention it, but it really _really_ bothers me that you've been with other men in our bed. Sorry." He rambled.

With a look at Meredith's clenched jaw and angry eyes, Derek contemplated the merits of bolting out of the car and considered what his injuries might be at this speed. _When she slows down to turn right, I could jump._

With the fury of 10,000 white-hot-suns, Meredith unhinged, "What the HELL! Derek, do you _want_ to make me mad today? I just…I…am…so…freaking…mad! What, do you think you will get cooties or an STD or something? I mean, if you are going to go there, well, we should consider getting rid of the trailer. I had to go there, to the place that we shared _alone_, the place where you told me to have _faith_, the place that I held as _sacred_…I had to go there and see you, the man I love, living with his wife. And then after Addison left, did you change anything in the trailer for me? Of course not! Did it bother me? YES! Did I get over it? YES! Did I ever bitch about it to you? NO...at least not until this moment!"

Derek quickly cut her off. "I didn't know you felt like that. I really am sorry Meredith."

Meredith let out a still hurt huff and said, "Yeah, well, now what?"

With a thoughtful look and a sly grin Dapper Derek returned, " I think I know what we need to do…why don't we wipe the slate clean…"

Meredith interjected, "If you are wanting another "do over," then I say no. We already tried that and it didn't work."

Derek brushed off her comment and pedaled forward, "Let me finish please. OK, I think we need to do a few things to solve this dilemma. One, lets get a new bed. We could go bed shopping tonight after work. Two, lets build us a house…can't you see it, fresh slate, no cooties? And three, I'll sell the trailer."

"Wait, wait, wait! We don't need to be _that_ drastic, just because I felt like Addison peed all over my territory when she lived at the trailer, it doesn't mean I want to get rid of it. I think the trailer has risen above the time it shared with Addison and is still a beloved Meredith and Derek icon. I mean, it would be like getting rid of Old Blue, or the green sofa. We can't just toss it aside."

After the mention of the green sofa, Derek got lost in a porny haze. "Hmm..you are right, we'd never get rid of certain things. I really didn't want to sell the trailer, but you know I'd do anything to make you comfortable and happy, right? So, what do you think about buying the bed and building a house?"

With a loud exhale of breath, Meredith jumped into the fear to get her happy ending, "The bed sounds good, I really didn't like the furniture anyways. It had cooties for me too. Maybe not in the same way as you, but after all, it was my parent's bedroom." She wrinkled up her cute little button nose and added an "ick."

"And, the house…wow. The house. I knew we'd do it one day. I guess that one day could be TO-day. I'm a grown up. We can do this! And at least, if we had our own place, we could have sex wherever we wanted and nobody would be around to complain about how loud we are."

Derek let out an evil chuckle, "Yeah, and that sofa better be the first piece of furniture we put in the house. I can't wait to revisit _that _Meredith and Derek icon."


End file.
